Getting Involved: How to Have a “50/50 Relationship” with Your Baby’s Father

As a mother, it can be difficult to get the father involved in your child’s new life. Usually, you’re having to push them into spending time with the baby – and then, in the end, you still end up complaining about the support that they’ve got to offer. There are a few reasons as to why men do less when it comes to dealing with a baby, and men all over the world themselves have even admitted that it’s true.

I’m going to talk about a few things you can try and do to make the task a little more appealing to the father, as well as help them understand why it’s so important. As a father, it’s essentially your duty to take care of a child. There are plenty of families out there in the world that consists of single mothers, and that just should be the case.
A baby should always come in contact with their father, and as often as possible – that’s why it’s so important to some new mother’s that may be reading this.

Never Ask Him to “Do It As You Would”

mother father babyWhen you say “you have to do it as I would”, it just gives the father leverage. They’re already going to be somewhat nervous about taking care of a baby, but when you say this phrase, it lets them think that they’ll never be as good as you. In that case, why wouldn’t you just handle this sort of chore every single time through? Unless you see your husband actually putting your child in danger (or just father in general, as not everyone is married), let it be – don’t rock the boat, baby!

Men are somewhat simple beings, they’re macho and always want to make themselves feel good. They’re competitive, and having you tell them that they aren’t getting the job done just isn’t a good way to handle things. Try and keep the mood positive, and always be encouraging – it can be tough dealing with the adjustment to fatherhood. Being a mother is hard, but women are strong; we all know that!

When They’re Second-Guessing Themselves, Force It

They have to understand everything needed in order to efficiently take care of your baby, and sometimes that means getting outside of your comfort zone. As a father, they’re going to see things and get a little spooked; that’s completely fine. When this happens, answer their questions with concern and respect. Don’t make the father feel like they’re being an idiot for asking you something, take it as if you were teaching somebody to properly care for your baby (which is essentially what you’re doing).

A lot of couples have an abundance of tension to deal with when they have a baby, but by communicating efficiently, you can avoid that. It’s not good for the relationship, and it’s definitely not good for your baby; stay calm and carry on. It’s for the best!

Pumping Out the Nutrients: Breastfeeding & Pumps

When your milk is ready, you should try and pump out a few bottles so that the father can feed the baby throughout the day. You want them to come in contact at feeding time at least once throughout the day, and that means you’ll need to purchase an efficient pump. All it takes is one or two feedings on a consistent basis to strengthen the bond between your child and the father, so it’s a nice thing to include within your routine.

For some women, pumps are going to come off as being uncomfortable. You aren’t alone when it comes to that regard, and there are probably a lot of mothers out there that just take one for the team – hopefully you’re willing to be one of them. Having the father feed your baby through a bottle will allow the dad, your baby and even yourself to:

  • Know each other on a physical level, as your baby will begin to know and acknowledge daddy’s smell
  • Help the dad comprehend what it’s like to love something so precious!
  • Give the child a personal experience with their father that they’ll always benefit from
  • Give you time to relax and finally sit down for once

Give it Time: Don’t Snap (Patience is Critical)

When you hear that ring of a baby crying noise throughout the entire house, and both you and the father are home to check on him, don’t run up immediately. I know what you’re thinking, as a mother it’s one of the toughest things to do – whenever you hear your child crying, it’s like you automatically want to jump up and help.

Sleeping is something that is an enjoyable process but having a baby usually results in a loss of said trait. When your baby wakes up in the middle of the night, having the father take care of everything is always going to be the cherry on top. It’s almost like it’s Mother’s Day, every single day of the week.

Give the father time to get over there and help the child himself, this will help him learn and react instinctively to the cries of your baby. When it happens during the day, that just means that it’s probably going to happen more often during the night. That’s right, you won’t be the only one who doesn’t get a great night worth of sleep anymore; now your husband/spouse is going to actually get up and help calm the little one down as well.

50/50 Relationships are Possible!

I talk about 50/50 relationships like they’re common, and I would say they are – but they definitely aren’t as common as I would like. It took a little bit for the father of our child to actually get up and start carrying his own weight, but I’m glad he did! All I needed to do was implement the tips above into my lifestyle, and eventually, it just started to get going like clockwork. Obviously, you love your baby, and you want the best for them; that’s why getting the father involved is crucial.

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